I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
