i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hippo gnu deer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
