My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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