We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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