and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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