I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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