I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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