this beer tastes like vomit already
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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