They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
