Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
