I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
