Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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