dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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