If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
