On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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