I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is my gift to your gina
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
