maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
