I cannot find my penis.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
