I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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