I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
