He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
