so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
