well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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