I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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