fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
