I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
