my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was born a porn star she said
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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