but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
