Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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