I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
