If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
