Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize