Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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