Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
even my farts smell like vagina
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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