At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
