Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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