i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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