What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
