don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
