Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
