I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
