Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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