I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
