Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
