And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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