Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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