It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How external is "for external use only"?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
