This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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