Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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