I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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