pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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