My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
