ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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