Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
