Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I FOUND THE LEGS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
