She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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