i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
