Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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