Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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