Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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