Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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