My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
