she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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