Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
