hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
