im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
