I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
