definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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