who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my shit smells like andre
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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